Don’t cry…it’s ok

I was looking for an article or a quote that would help explain what I wanted to say. I couldn’t find one so I thought I’d write my own words.

Recently I’ve had a lot of referrals from parents concerned about their children’s anxiety. I’m not surprised. Working in a school, I have seen the impact of distance learning. It’s not necessarily the work that children are struggling with, it’s the social side of things.

This blog is for parents. When your child cries, how many times have you said “don’t cry”? I admit I have said this too, it’s natural right? We don’t want to see our children upset so we tell them not to cry. What is this teaching our children? Not to show emotion? Is that really what we want? Those who know me, know I am a great believer in getting your feelings out. I say how I feel. I feel what I need to feel. So do our children. They have a right to explore their feelings and explain how they feel. By telling our children to not cry, to not feel sad – are we telling them we don’t want to hear that they are sad? That we don’t want to know why they are sad? That we only want to see them happy?

If our children can’t come to us and tell us, their parents that they are sad and truly express their emotions, then who do they go to? What if they keep it in? What happens to those feelings? This is often what I see in therapy. Children and adults shoving their emotions in a drawer. That drawer gets fuller and fuller each day. Eventually, that drawer will overflow and that can manifest in headaches, tummy aches, outburts, depression, isolation.

As parents we are role models. How do we show our children how we deal with our emotions? Do they see us cry? Do they hear us naming their feelings or emotions? Or do they learn to push those feelings down?

We need to talk to our children. Be role models for our children. Allow our children to feel what they feel without judgement. Next time your child is crying, rather than say don’t cry – ask them what they need from you. It might be a plaster, a cuddle or maybe just to sit with them for a bit.

Thanks for reading and if you would like anymore information on my services, please visit http://www.makeachangetherapy.net 😊